Today is my last day at Sorrento Lingue. I find myself anxious and a little scared of the next two weeks. It's really weird... the fact that school is over for me is the first real signal that I have recieved that my time here is actually coming to an end soon. And literally in the same moment I have happy and completely depressed. I miss my friends, I miss the convience of having a car and the feeling of having complete control of where you are and what you are doing but in no means am I ready to return to the life I was living before I left. It hit me like a brick today... wait a minute, I have to go back and be a receptionist? I have to go back home and worry about my career? Think about how I'm going to pay bills? Obligation? Responsability? AWWW!!!

I came out here to descover alot of specific things about myself and I haven't really found them yet. So what am I going to do when I go home? I feel like I have to come home with a clear definite plan when it comes to my life, a new outlook on where I am going and what I am doing. I feel like I have reached a more calm place and have a better understanding of where I want to go and the fear of failure doesn't frighten me everyday. Will this new found patience with life stay with me when I go back home? Is it only because I am in Sorrento and disconnected from my reality in Los Angeles? Regardless of the answers, I am now terrified of coming home and feel obligated to returning with a new perspective. What if I don't find anything? As a woman told me before I left, when you set out to discover yourself, you are taking yourself with you... I think one of the things I am discovering is that everything that I need for my life I already know, I have to tools I just have to figure out how to use them.

I still have two more weeks here and during the time I plan to just write and stay commited to my work. It's going to be an interesting time because now that I have been in Sorrento for a little bit I feel like I know the place so the excitement to explore and be constantly doing something has settled. Now I can actually stay at the house for a long period of time and be happy. Im starting to feel like I live here. I'm writing more then I have ever written. I have written three times the amount I am use to. When it takes me about a month finish one act I have written it in a week in a half. I think being in Sorrento, has helped ease my doubt regarding my profession but I am terrified of getting back into the constant chase and having my self esteem defined by my profession. I think the lesson for me is again to breath and stay patient in the ride of life, not all answers are meant to be had.